Oh, say can you see
By the dawn's early lights
What so proudly we hailed
To the twilight's last gleaming
Whose broad stripes and bright stars
Through the perilous fight
O'er the ramparts we watched
Were so gallantly streaming
And the rockets' red glare
The bombs bursting in air
Gave proof through the night
I wish Katie were here.
She's the one who got me to play again.
If everybody needs somebody to remind them who they are...
...Katie Chandler was that for me.
Six months ago, I was as far away from baseball as I could get.
Things weren't exactly happening for me.
I was living in a motel with some cocktail waitress.
I was as lost as lost could be.
Billy, we have to have a talk.
Listen to me!
What?
Hi, Dani.
Billy, you have a phone call. It's your mom.
Look...
Dani, tell her...
...I’m at work. I'll call her back.
Billy, it's your mother.
Bill...
...I have some terrible news.
Katie Chandler died yesterday.
She shot herself at Seasmoke.
Oh, my God.
She left a will.
You're responsible for her ashes.
What?
You're responsible for her ashes.
She said that you're the only person who'd know what to do with them.
Come home, Billy.
I'll leave tonight.
Katie was so wild.
And she hated rules.
That's why she was the greatest baby sitter of all time.
Katie?
Katie!
I'll put the blanket up front.
We should be back early.
If we're not, there's some leftovers in the fridge.
Billy can stay up and watch Gunsmoke, then he should go to bed.
Bye. Have fun.
Sam?
- Play ball! - Sam, we're all waiting.
I'll be right there! Just trying to find my wallet.
Tony Taylor steps up to the plate.
Here's the first pitch of today's game.
Come on, Billy!
Taylor swings. It's hit. It's gone! Cubs lead, one-nothing.
We're in trouble.
- I hate them. - Sam!
You gotta have faith. They'll bounce back.
It's only the first inning. I got a good feeling.
Even if they lose, I'll take you to that double-header.
- Cool! - All right?
Here.
See you.
Alvin Dark swings. It's hit. It's gone!
Cubs lead, two-nothing.
- Katie, stop it! - Relax, Mom.
Can I drive Daddy's Caddy?
No...
...you can't.
Let's go!
- Did you find your wallet? - Yeah, it was behind my dresser.
- What have we here? - You won't get out of this one.
- You are a liar! - Two-nothing, but we're coming back.
Bye-bye!
Hey, what's the score?
Eight to nothing, Cubs. Top of the third.
Maybe they'll rally.
No, they won't. They never rally.
They stink. I hate the Phillies.
I forgot your birthday. Sorry.
I bought you a present, though.
It's a baseball.
When things get confusing, and they will...
...this is to remind you you're a ballplayer.
Thanks. Is it too homo to wear around my neck?
No, it'll drive the girls crazy.
All of them. Trust me.
There you go. Looking sharp.
Cool.
I'm bored. Let's blow this pop stand.
Just get your swimsuit and meet me downstairs in five minutes.
Where are we going?
To the shore!
But that's so far!
What are you, 80? It's a piece of cake. Get in.
We'll get in trouble.
No, we won't.
You always say we won't get in trouble and then we always do.
Your mother said I was in charge, and you have to do what I say, right?
Get in the car.
Wait. Do you have your license?
- Have you ever driven a car? - Yeah, once.
Where?
In my parents' driveway.
Relax.
Thank you, Daddy!
You know what? We're gonna talk about girls.
Because in a few years, that's all you'll think about.
I'll tell you what girls like.
Girls like guys who make them laugh.
And girls like guys who talk about something other than themselves.
And girls like guys who don't break their heart.
And you know what else?
Girls like guys who smoke. Let's smoke.
- Hold the wheel. - Me?
Now!
These cigarettes are weird.
Yeah, I know.
They're Grace's. They're menthols.
They're still weird.
On the way home, we'll pick up some real cool cigarettes.
Remember that guy I was telling you about? Robert.
I broke up with him. He had bad breath.
There's this lifeguard I like down here. He likes me.
I think I'll go out with him this summer. He's got perfect breath.
How's your breath? Let's see.
That's good. Keep it that way.
Last one in has to kiss my grandfather!
It's not gonna be me!
Why are you doing that?
I don't know.
Well, don't.
You're 10. I'm almost 16. It would never work, believe me.
Our deal is to be best friends.
What's that?
That's "The Wonderful Diving Horse."
The first time I came here when I was little, I was so excited.
I said, "The horse is gonna fly! It's gonna fly!" Right?
All they did was drag this poor horse up to this platform...
...and they pushed him off into a cold tank of water.
Everybody laughed and clapped. They thought it was funny.
I cried.
I thought it was mean.
Let's go!
Hank! Hank!
It's Katie! She took the car.
- Pull over! - Katie, this is not funny!
What do we do?
Wave.
I couldn't believe that Katie left me her ashes.
I mean, why me?
Boy, I wanted to bail out. But Katie kept pulling me home.
Carlton! Next stop, Carlton!
Bottom of the ninth, tie game.
We're going extra innings. We'll miss the train.
- Relax, Appleby. - No, we won't make that train.
We're not going home for the weekend.
That means you won't talk to Robin Parks and I don't have a prom date.
I can't believe this.
I'm taking care of it, Appleby.
Relax.
We won't make it.
Next up for Carlton Academy, number nine...
...Billy Wyatt.
Play ball!
Go, Bill.
Next up, number 13...
...Alan Appleby.
Safe!
Hey, wait up, Ap!
Wyatt!
Bud Scott.
- Nice game. - Thank you, sir.
- What are you doing this summer? - I don't know, sir.
How'd you like to come to my instructional camp?
Are you kidding?
I didn't come all the way from Florida to watch you play just for a joke.
Listen, I'm making you an offer, son.
- I gotta talk to my dad. - Well, you do that.
And here's my card.
Have your daddy call me.
Thanks a lot, sir.
Bud Scott.
- I can't believe it! - Do you believe it?
Go to the train station.
Thank you!
- Hey, who won? - We did!
Billy broke up a tie in the bottom of the ninth when he stole home!
Hey, Alan, you know how to work one of these?
Make a movie of Billy and me driving along.
The Dink has one of these.
- Who's the Dink? - Appleby's stepfather.
I'm sorry, Mr. Wyatt, but he is a dink.
He wears black socks, sandals, Bermuda shorts...
...smokes Parliaments and drives a Lark.
It's killing me, Mr. Wyatt.
Appleby.
Ginny...
...I have never loved you more than I do right now.
Appleby!
- Thanks for the ride, Mr. Wyatt. - All right, Alan. See you soon.
Here you go.
Can we talk for a sec?
Let us review the Robin Parks situation.
- I'm tired of talking about her. - A: You know her. B: I don't.
C: I'm in love with her. D: I'm a virgin. E: I'm desperate.
Now, A plus B plus C plus D plus E equals...
...the big F for me at the prom if you come through for me tonight.
- Be my friend. - I will. I promise.
- You will? You promise? - I promise.
- I got it. - I mean it.
Sincerely.
Be my friend.
I got it, Ap.
Be...
...my...
...friend!
Is school going okay?
- How'd you do on that trig test? - C.
Your mother and I were talking.
You should take a six-week SAT prep course this summer.
I wanna play ball.
You can't get into a good college without high SATs. Yours are low.
I wanna play in the majors.
College is important for something to fall back on.
I don't need anything to fall back on.
A lot of major-league ballplayers come out of the college ranks.
I'll have to wait until I'm 22 to play.
Well, I'm sorry. That's the way it is.
Bud Scott wants me to play for him this summer.
- You're supposed to call him. - Bud Scott?
You're kidding.
- Do you know what this means? - No SATs this summer?
It means no SATs! You're gonna play for the Phillies!
Now relax, Dad. Hold it!
You're gonna look good in a Phillies uniform!
You're gonna play center field for the Phillies!
Clemente hits a long drive. Wyatt!
He's going deep! Wyatt's up against the warning path!
Amazing over-the-shoulder catch! Hauls it in.
The crowd goes wild. Throws it in.
You tip your hat to Mom and me.
We gotta tell your mother.
- Dad, relax. - Come on. Ginny!
Dad, come on. Come on.
- We gotta tell your mother. - Relax.
Ginny!
- Hold on. Dad, relax. - Come on, Billy!
I gotta call Bud Scott!
Dad, you gotta be much cooler with Bud Scott!
- Hi. Who won? - We did!
- Great. - Billy stole home to win it!
- That's wonderful! - But listen to this.
Bud Scott, the Phillies' top scout, comes to see Billy play.
He wants him to play for him this summer.
- Mom, what's for dinner? - Roast beef, mashed potatoes and peas.
One more.
There we go.
Nice!
That's good to center. Now one to the left.
You okay out there?
- One to the left. - You sure?
- Come on! - All right.
Yeah! Nice.
One more!
Yeah! All right!
Up against the wall!
All right, World Series. Phillies and the Yanks.
Phillies up by one. Bunning takes the mound.
- 3-2 count. - Bases loaded.
Bottom of the ninth!
Checks third.
The wind-up.
Strike three!
The Phillies win the Series!
First time in history!
Give Dalrymple that game ball.
First time ever.
I gotta drive out to Long Island tomorrow. Wanna come?
I promised Appleby I'd play golf with him.
- Can I come with you next time? - Yeah, sure.
Night-night.
- Billy, hi. - Hi, Robin.
Come on in.
- Can I get you something to drink? - Sure. Pepsi.
Hello, Billy.
Hello, Mrs. Parks.
I'd like to come down and say hi, but I look a mess.
That's okay.
Thanks.
- So how's it going? - All right. How's school?
It's okay.
You look great.
So do you.
Listen...
...you know Alan Appleby, right?
- How about a drink? - I got one.
I mean, a rum drink.
Billy, honey, if you're hungry...
...there's leftover meat loaf in the fridge.
That's okay. I've already eaten.
How about something to drink?
I think Robin's taking care of that, thank you.
Welcome home.
You wanna hear some music?
Sure, I guess.
Listen, I gotta talk to you about Alan Appleby...
...because he asked me to come over here...
...and ask you if you wanted to go to the Carlton prom with him.
I've been in love with you since third grade.
Really?
Come here.
- Honey, the record is stuck! - Sorry.
Your mother could come down any minute.
Don't worry about my mother.
Besides, I came over to get Alan a date.
I don't wanna talk about Alan anymore.
Robin?
- Do you know where the paper is? - Holy shit, here she comes.
It's on the breakfast table.
I'm gonna call that boy...
We gotta stop. We gotta stop.
Jesus. Jesus, we gotta...
I don't know where it is. Maybe I was in here.
No, I was out on the porch.
Let's see. No, maybe it is down here.
Wait a minute. Here it is! It's on the telephone table.
If my head wasn't attached, I'd lose that too.
Good night, you two.
Good night, Mrs. Parks!
That's a cool pendant.
Could I have it?
Sure.
Am I gonna see you again?
I mean, sure.
- What are you doing this summer? - Nothing.
What are you doing?
- I'm playing pro ball down in Florida. - Great.
Thanks for the Pepsis...
...and everything.
Dead... center... perfect.
- Sorry I'm late. - Didn't matter.
- How you doing? - Good.
Good. Did you see Robin last night?
- Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. And?
- And what? - And did you mention the prom?
- No. - And did you mention me at all?
- Her mom was in the house. - You had sex with my prom date.
- I can't believe it. - I'll talk to her.
Why talk to her? Why not go over and have some more sex?
Appleby, I didn't touch her.
Don't lie to me, Bill.
You're being ridiculous.
I didn't touch her.
- I ask you to do me one little favor. - Hold on!
- Now you lie to me! - I'm not lying!
You had sex...
...with my prom date!
- You had... - You're being ridiculous!
...sex...
...with...
...my...
...prom date!
Oh, my God!
What's wrong?
You're father's been in a car accident.
He's dead, isn't he?
Remember, it's literally pouring outside.
And Sam, in a panic, he pulls the car over and he leaps up...
...and he sprints to this church, holding the seat of his pants.
He disappears behind the church and there's no toilet paper, right?
Right. And now all the people are streaming out of the church.
And Sam yells at the top of his lungs...
..."Do you have any toilet paper, kleenex or anything?"
Ginny yells back...
..."No, darling.
Why don't you use those wet New England leaves you dragged us up here to see?"
You know, Sam and I go to the Pierre every year.
Did you know that's where we first met?
I was 18. I was staying with my parents.
God, he was a charmer.
Good-looking and funny.
The best-dressed man I had ever seen.
We had our honeymoon night there.
And every year since, we always go back.
Going to the Pierre every year is just something that we always do.
Let's go for a ride.
When I was a little girl, I loved to go swimming in my grandfather's pool.
But I was always scared of the deep end.
So once when I was about 8 or 9 or something...
...I went over to the pool...
...and I dove right in. I went all the way to the bottom.
I touched the drain. It was all...
...slimy and green with moss.
And I was scared because I figured...
...that it would just suck me in, you know?
But it didn't.
I swam all the way up to the top...
...broke clean out of the water. It felt great.
And every time something bad would happen...
...lose a dog...
...or I'd get in a fight with Grace, or I got kicked out of school...
...I’d go over to the pool...
...and I'd touch the drain...
...and it always made me feel better, you know?
Wanna touch the drain?
When?
Now.
- You have to keep it down. Stay quiet. - Why?
My grandfather doesn't live here anymore.
Whose pool is this?
I don't know.
Come on, kiddo!
Feel better?
I guess.
Mom?
Hey, Mom? Hope?
Well, there you are.
Look at my baby sister.
When's the baby due?
Two months.
Where are you gonna live?
Here, on the third floor.
You're kidding.
That's perfect.
Mom, can I move in here with you?
Bill, if you move in, I'm moving out.
That must be Hank and Grace.
Hank, good to see you.
Thank you.
It's been a while, huh?
Why don't we go into the living room?
Grace wasn't up to coming over.
- Can I get you something? - I'm fine. I'm fine.
Katie left a will.
She wanted her body cremated and you to be responsible for her ashes.
Did she say what she wanted me to do with them?
Well, no, I guess she just thought you'd know.
I don't.
Well, if it's any help...
...to you...
...Grace and I would like a memorial service at St. Thomas'...
...and we would like her ashes buried there.
When...
...Katie came back from Europe after her second marriage failed...
...I knew she wasn't a happy woman.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to help.
She and Grace started fighting again.
So she got in her Volkswagen and drove to Seasmoke...
...and decided to live there year-round.
I wanted to see how she was doing...
...so last Sunday, I drove down there...
...and I walked in the house.
I called her name, but she didn't answer.
I thought she was out taking a walk or something.
I poured myself a drink and I wandered around the house.
And then I went into the bedroom...
...and there she was...
...lying on the bed, all curled up like a little girl.
I thought she was asleep.
I gotta get back to Grace.
Billy, think about St. Thomas', okay?
Jesus.
I'm leaving.
But you just got home.
I know. But I gotta go.
Well, what about Katie?
Yeah, right.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
You see, I left her urn in my closet...
...and I was wondering if you...
...maybe...
...could take care of it.
Katie wanted you to do that.
Yeah, I know, but...
Does it really matter who buries her?
You, me, I mean...
She's dead, right? It's just ashes.
No, of course it matters. It's Katie’s ashes.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know.
I do know she left her ashes to you, not to Hank...
...not to Grace, not to anybody else.
You can't walk away from this.
Great.
- Where are you going? - I don't know.
For a drive, I guess.
And you're coming back?
That summer after Dad died...
...we stayed down at Seasmoke.
Tomorrow's the Fourth of July.
We need dates.
Because it is well-known that women tend to put out more...
...on the Fourth of July than on any other night.
Speaking of dates, I'm gonna ask you one last time.
- Did you have sex with my prom date? - She was never your prom date.
Because you had sex with her.
Others have feelings for her.
Feelings for her?
My God, you just admitted it!
You just admitted it! You had sex with my prom date!
Calm down. I'm not admitting anything.
Who is that woman?
I don't know.
That's the lady renting the Chandler cottage.
No, that's the lady who's gonna bear my children.
- She's way out of your league. - Out of my league?
Eat my dust, pal.
Why rush it?
I'm gonna make her beg.
I want a date with one of those Jersey girls.
I love Jersey girls.
They wear black pointy bras and white lipstick.
When they French kiss you, I bet they put their gum in your mouth.
These are naughty girls.
They'll let us do stuff, like sniff them all over, you know?
- You got a big problem. - Yeah, Bill, I do.
Her lights are on.
There she is.
Oh, God.
My God.
She is so beautiful.
Damn it.
Come on, let's go, Aps. It's over.
I think I'm just gonna stick around here for a bit.
Appleby, you are so sick.
I know that.
Don't leave yet.
- What's his name? - Doobie Epstein.
Doobie Epstein is his name?
- Are you kidding? - I'm not kidding.
He's the most complex man I've ever met.
Grace hates him because he's doing something creative...
...and not being a lawyer or something so practical...
...and nauseating you just wanna slash your wrists.
Anyway, I'm gonna meet him in New York in a couple days...
...and we're gonna elope and move to Europe.
What do you mean? You're getting married?
Why?
- Why not? - What'll you do after you get married?
We're gonna go everywhere. We're gonna do everything.
We're gonna go to Pamplona and run with the bulls.
We'll go to Paris, smoke lots of hash and go to the opera.
Hang out at the Left Bank and talk about existentialism and revolution.
Who cares?
It's gonna be great. I'm so in love with him!
Like you fell in love with that guy because he looked like Montgomery Cliff?
He didn't look like Montgomery Cliff.
Or the professor who wanted to take you to Tibet?
I didn't go, did I? Did I go?
- Or how about the... - I didn't go.
Like the lifeguard who had great breath.
- Shut up! - Remember him?
He's different. This guy's different.
He's different.
Great. I think that's great.
You okay?
It's like everything's all normal, except...
...I don't give a shit about any of it.
You know what I mean?
Well, welcome to the club, kiddo.
Where's your pendant?
I gave it to some girl.
You gave... Who?
- Robin Parks. - Why'd you give it to her?
- She asked me for it. - She asked you for it.
That's great. Were you dating her?
Is she your girlfriend? What's the scoop?
Spit it out.
I went over to get a date for Appleby for the prom.
- She asked me, so I gave it to her. - You gave it to her.
Thank you very much.
You gave it to a girl you barely know?
- You're marrying a guy you barely know. - This is different!
I gave you that pendant for the rest of your life, goddamn it.
- Well, this is different too. - Yeah, how?
I lost my virginity to her.
Way to go, Billy! Way to go!
- Still shouldn't have given it to her. - I know.
How was it?
It was great.
I don't know. I've never done it before.
I mean, I probably wasn't like good old...
...Doobie.
Probably not.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
I love you.
Oh, no!
Please, God.
Turn the light back on.
That's right. You're doing it.
You know what I think we need now?
- More... - Martinis.
- Yes! - Exactly!
We'll have to just twist on over to the bar.
No, wait! Wait, show me one more time.
I can't get the hips right.
You got it. You got the hips.
There you go.
See? You got it.
Poison Ivy
Late at night while you're sleepin' Poison Ivy come a-creepin' around
She's as pretty as a daisy
But look out, man, she's crazy
She'll really do you in
If you let her get under your skin
Poison Ivy
- My men are home again! - Dancing partners!
Look, look, look!
Katie has had a simply disastrous effect on...
...your dear, innocent mother. - I haven't.
- Is it true? - Katie, who actually I adore...
...has taught me the twist!
- Oh, my. - Look at that!
I'll twist with you.
Alan Appleby! Now listen, I've gotta ask you a question.
Have you ever had a martini?
- Never had a martini. - Never had a martini?
- This is the moment. - We have to get him one.
Can I have one of those moments?
- Can I have a cigarette? - Mom, come on. I don't smoke.
Give me a cigarette.
I want to smoke.
- Now, my little twisters, home movies. - What are we gonna see?
There was just some film left in the camera, and I had it developed.
- You think it's a train, maybe? - A long train.
- Very long. - Where was this?
- Maybe it'll stop soon. - I doubt it.
It's stopping.
- There's a beautiful woman. - Think you're obsessed?
Oh, I know what this is!
The day we beat Whitney and you stole home.
Right, right.
We just made that train.
Now, there's a couple of studs for you.
Look. Hello!
I shot this! Those girls loved me.
- In your dreams, Alan. - Oh, thank you, Katie.
They look like they're good at tennis.
Well, you certainly shot enough film of them.
She's a goddess.
Go talk to her.
I can't.
You better.
Tomorrow we're leaving.
I know.
I can't believe I have to go work for the Dink.
What a nightmare.
You gonna play for Bud Scott this summer?
I'm through with baseball.
She's looking at you.
She is?
Go ahead, Alan, make your move. She wants you.
Really?
I'm a woman. I know these things.
Oh, boy.
I'm Alan Appleby.
You have peanut butter on the corner of your mouth, Alan Appleby.
Oh, God.
You're the boy who watches me.
- No. No, l... - It's all right.
- I like it. - You do?
I missed you last night.
But I was there, really.
I know. I was only kidding you.
Kidding.
Can you make it tonight?
Tonight?
Let me see what my plans are.
- Yeah, I can make it tonight. - Great.
I'll make it special.
Special.
Oh, my God.
Bye.
Hello?
It's me...
...Alan Appleby.
Hello.
Come on in.
I guess I could use the door.
Come here.
All right.
For you.
Thank you.
How sweet.
Sit down.
Would you do me a favor?
Put some of this on my shoulders. I can't reach.
Sure.
I'd love to do that.
Is that about what you had in mind, ma'am?
It's lovely.
I don't even know your name.
Leslie.
Leslie Jordan.
It's...
...very nice to meet you...
...Leslie Jordan.
Oh, boy.
This is...
Oh, God!
You know, I was talking to my friend, Bill Wyatt, just the other day...
...that if I could do...
...what I'm doing right now, I'd be happy.
This definitely makes my summer.
Then this should make your whole year.
Oh, my God.
- Why is Hope up? - Where you been?
- We went to the store. - That was two hours ago.
We stopped for a drink.
- You're drunk. - I'm not.
- Bullshit. - Don't talk like that.
- Who's this guy? - It's Frank.
You're picking up guys in bars?
- Stop it! - Get out!
- I'll leave when I'm ready to leave. - Leave now!
Stop it!
Katie, do something! Stop it!
Is that all you got? Come on!
Are you all right?
You make me sick.
I make you sick?
My dad's been dead two months and you take Mom to bars...
...and bring guys home! Are you crazy?
Seasmoke is mine! I'll bring home anyone I want!
You think you're the only kid to lose his father?
Wake up, Billy! She lost her husband, for chrissake!
If I can give her a laugh...
Go make her another drink!
- Fuck you. - Fuck you, Katie!
Mom?
I'm not gonna go home today.
What are you gonna do?
Stay with Katie, I guess.
Is it because of last night?
I'm so sorry about what happened.
I had too much to drink.
What I did was wrong.
But I want you to know something.
That I would never hurt you. Never hurt this family.
It's you and me and Hope now. That is all we have.
But we're gonna be okay.
I just keep thinking Dad's away on a business trip.
He's gonna come back.
I know.
What can I say, William?
I came here a boy and I'm leaving a man.
I'm happy for you, Aps.
Be patient, Bill. Your time will come.
And believe me, it's well worth the wait.
- Bye, Bill. - Bye, Aps.
I'm meeting Sam's lawyer tomorrow. We'll be back in the afternoon.
It's all right about Billy staying?
- Oh, there you go. - Bye, Hope.
- Bye. - Have fun.
- Bye, Billy. - Bye, Mom.
I gotta go.
- Promise me something. - What?
You're gonna call up Bud Scott and you're gonna start playing again.
You're a ballplayer. That's who you are.
What'll happen to you?
I don't know. Don't worry about me. Get my pendant back.
I will.
I love you, Billy-boy.
That's the last time I ever saw her.
Appleby!
Bill!
Hey, Bill.
Hey, Ap.
How you doing?
Heard about Katie, huh?
Unbelievable.
Wanna get drunk?
Sure.
- Comes a-creepin' around
Measles make you jumpy The mumps'll make you lumpy
The chicken pox'll make you Jump and twitch
The whooping cough'll cool you The common cold'll fool you
But Poison Ivy, Lord Will make you itch
Gonna need an ocean
Of calamine lotion
You'll be scratching like a hound
The minute you start to mess around
Poison Ivy
You see that, Bill?
You know, I'm a Pan kind of guy myself.
Not that hairy in the haunches, but that could be me.
That could definitely be me. Women just flat-out adore me.
No, they don't.
Bill, they do. They do.
Granted, I'm married. I'm a faithful kind of a guy...
...but I've been all over the world. I get women and women get me.
That is pathetic.
I'm trying to help you.
Take New York women, for instance.
Much too tough. Much too pushy. Too hard for you.
You're way too sweet for them. Forget them.
Parisian women, on the other hand...
...very sophisticated. They understand the whole wife-mistress thing...
...the necessity of it.
But I don't speak French, they don't speak English.
Who knows what they're talking about? Frankly, Bill, who cares?
What about English women?
Good question. You're paying attention. English women, much too cool.
Too cool. They do not have lust.
Lust is an essential ingredient in a relationship.
I know this from experience because...
...my marriage has not a speck of lust left.
Not a bit.
Will you look at the butt on this nymph?
Bill, I'm so lonely. Be my friend.
Please don't leave town again.
I got a great idea.
Let's get drunk?
I think we did that already. Let's play some ball.
Play ball.
But first, we gotta get into our uniforms.
Uniforms!
Your sleepin' Poison Ivy Comes a-creepin' around
- What's this? - Katie.
- What do you mean? - It's her ashes.
She put it in her will that I'm responsible for them.
You're kidding.
We're getting into a weird area here.
A: We're riding in Katie’s car. B: You've got her remains.
- C: You're in your Carlton uniform. - And you're not.
That would be impossible. It's 2:30 a. M...
...and my uniform's at the Dink's house.
I'm gonna take care of everything.
Hello, Mrs. Appleby. It's me, Billy Wyatt.
- What? - What the hell is going on?
Hi, Mr. Appleby. Billy Wyatt. Good to see you.
Wyatt? What time is it?
Oh, it's late, sir. Sorry.
It's 3:00 in the morning. That's hardly a stylish hour for a social visit.
How's your mother?
- Very well. Thank you for asking. - Good.
You're wearing your Carlton uniform?
Yes, sir, I am.
This is totally insane.
Billy, how can we help you?
Do you know where Alan's Carlton baseball uniform is?
I believe it's in the hall closet.
Are you a maniac? Coming here at night, looking for Alan's uniform?
This is unacceptable.
Sir, I am as disgusted with my behavior as you are.
- Alan said it was okay. - He did?
- How is Alan, dear? - He's just fine.
Good.
Why don't I help you find that uniform?
Thank you.
Will you stop acting as if we're at...
...the cricket club on the veranda having frozen daiquiris?
Oh, man.
I don't believe this.
Nice seeing you both.
- Good night, Mrs. Appleby. - Good night, Billy.
Good night, Dink.
Dink?
Just what does that mean?
Oh, Nathan...
...for heaven sakes.
People have been calling you the Dink for years.
They have?
You found my uniform.
I don't want to know how.
Piece of cake.
- Let's play ball. - It's the middle of the night.
You're right, Appleby. We need a field with lights.
Bill, be my friend. Don't make me do this.
Don't worry about it.
This is breaking and entering.
This is like a major felony.
That may not matter to you because...
...I know you're doing this lost generation, Jack Kerouac thing...
...but it does matter to me.
I'm an upstanding member of this community. I've got kids.
I cannot afford to go to jail.
Appleby, just do it.
Play ball!
Now pitching...
...38-year-old rookie out of Carlton Academy...
...Alan...
..."The Horse" Appleby.
Billy Wyatt, ladies and gentlemen!
Rookie phenom for the Philadelphia Phils!
What a shot!
You've still got it, Bill.
No, I don't, Appleby. I'm way out of shape.
You just hit it out of the park.
Look who was pitching.
Thank you. Could we pick up the pace?
I think the police should be here any second now.
I'm hungry!
All right, breakfast on me at Bob's.
There's something I wanted to ask you for a long time.
One minute, you're playing double-A, you're on your way up.
Next thing, you just drop out of sight. What happened?
Forget it.
I'm not gonna forget it. I've been wanting to ask you this for 14 years.
No, we are not leaving this diner until you tell me. So what is it?
Fine.
I mean, I'm at Reading.
Phillies send their brass to look at me and Schmidt.
One of us is going to the bigs.
Ninth inning, guy hits a fly ball out to me in center.
The kind of ball I'd caught a thousand times.
I dropped it. We lost the game.
I go in the locker room, everyone looks at me like I'm a loser.
So I figured I was, and I quit.
That's it?
That's it.
Remember the last time I wore this uniform?
That day I stole home.
To make the train.
And then my dad died...
...and I quit baseball.
Today, down at Seasmoke, I realized it was Katie who got me to play again.
When I quit the minors, she wasn't around to bring me back.
I remember when I was 10, she gave me this pendant.
A silver baseball on a chain.
Told me to wear it to remind me that I was a ballplayer.
See...
...she knew better than anybody, especially me...
...that when I wasn't playing, I was lost. And let me tell you...
...for the past 14 years, boy...
...I have been one lost son of a bitch.
Thing is, if that were me...
...she'd have found out what to do by now, and done it.
Don't worry. You'll figure it out.
Where's the pendant?
I gave it to Robin Parks.
Why'd you do that, Bill?
- I lost my virginity to her. - I knew it 20 years ago!
- You had sex with my prom date. - She was never your prom date.
Not after you had sex with her. How was she?
- Are you kidding? - No.
- She was great. - How great?
- Hot. - A little hot? Medium hot?
- Extremely hot? - Extremely hot.
Well, extremely hot.
That's it.
I'll just kill myself.
- I'm sorry. - No, you're not.
See, Robin Parks still lives here in the same house she grew up in.
And she's divorced, which means she's available, Bill.
And I've been waiting for the right moment to leave Trippi and the kids.
But not anymore...
...because as far as I'm concerned...
...Robin Parks is a complete slut!
Okay? There, I've said it. I'm free of her.
- She's all yours. You're forgiven. - Thank you.
I got it.
I know what to do with her ashes!
Right down here is Grandfather Chandler's pool.
Whenever Katie felt bad, she'd dive in and touch the drain.
It always made her feel better. I'll scatter her ashes here.
It's gone.
Go home. Get some sleep.
I gotta go to work.
You'll get it.
What about burying her at Seasmoke?
I already thought of that. It's wrong.
That's where she killed herself.
We'll figure it out.
It's okay.
I know what to do.
Hi, Hank.
Can I talk to you?
Yeah, come on in.
Hank was upstairs getting Grace.
I was about to give Katie's ashes back to her parents...
...the last place she wanted to go.
They dragged this poor horse up to this platform...
...and they pushed him off into a cold tank of water.
Everybody laughed and clapped. They thought it was funny.
I cried.
I thought it was mean.
Let's go!
That's all I really wanna do.
I wanna leap off this pier and fly high in the air...
...and hang out with...
...the wind and drift with the clouds.
And at night, with the moon full and the sea wild...
...I’d meet my lover high on a cliff...
...and we'd swoop down into the ocean...
...and swim all the way and touch the bottom...
...up through the dark water...
...and break the surface.
And then we'd fly to Jamaica for pina coladas.
Yeah, I wish I could do that.
Hello, Billy.
Hi, Grace.
How are you?
I know what to do with Katie’s ashes.
What about St. Thomas'?
I'm sorry, Grace...
...but St. Thomas' is wrong. Katie never went to church.
I'm gonna take care of her, Grace. Trust me.
Hank, I'm legally responsible for her.
Thanks.
Does Robin Parks live here?
You mean my mom?
Is she home?
I think she's upstairs.
I'm an old friend.
Hi. It's me...
...Billy Wyatt.
Billy, what are you doing home?
I can't tell you right now.
- Do you have my pendant? - What pendant?
My baseball pendant. I gave it to you.
That night...
Remember?
Oh, that.
I don't know if I still have it. That was years ago.
If I do, it would be in here.
I'm not sure...
This?
Can I have it back?
Well, sure.
You look great.
So do you.
Listen...
...I’m in sort of a rush right now...
...but can I...
...call you sometime?
Sure.
Great.
Wyatt.
Wyatt!
You're pinch-hitting.
Now!
One run wins it.
Pinch-hitting for Costner, number nine, Billy Wyatt.
Go, Bill!
Play ball!
Robin, let me ask you something. When we were 16...
...did Bill ever mention that I wanted to take you to the prom?
No, I don't think so.
That's interesting.
Go, Bill.
That's it! Go, Bill!
Safe!
Way to go!
Thattaboy, Wyatt.
Now batting for the Spirits...
...number eight, Garret Finley.
Safe!
Great game, Bill.
Just great.
I was talking to Robin just before you stole home.
She said you never mentioned that I wanted to take her to the prom.
I don't remember.
I did, Appleby. I asked her. Trust me.
I don't trust you.
{{{the end}}}